Highs and lows have always been my norm. I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of guy. I’m either in the best shape I’ve ever been, ready to scale mountains and race in triathlons-or I’m gonna be dead by the end of the week so why bother?
I happen to be in a manic phase at the moment-those are the good ones where you feel like you can do anything-though really, your just as inept as you are the rest of the time. It just doesn’t really bother you any more. When your in the Abyss, that’s when it bothers you.
To be honest I’ve been pretty steady the past few years, with just the occasional bout of complete and total madness to help balance the world out. I tend to become obsessed with things. Want to run away and join the circus. Bang out that novel in three or four weeks and than pretty much forget about it. Take a lot of photos that I have Fine Art plans for, but well, they never seem to reach the lofty goals I had for them.
Back when I wrote short stories, I would go back and re-read the partially completed manuscripts-some of them were bloody amazing. I would read them and marvel at the skill and the craftsmanship-neither of which I seem to possess to any great degree. These little gems were never completed-so they remained in a state of perpetual potentiality of greatness.
I have taken to photographing images of random items on white backgrounds for use as Stock Photos. This is an interesting and labor intensive bit of business. I have managed to get a number of images accepted at several micropstock photo agencies-so all my hard work ain’t been in vain for nothing. It’s one of those things where The Top People make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year-so all I need to do is get a few thousand images accepted and all will be well. Just get ten or fifteen accepted a day-one article said-and you’ll be fine in a year or so. Hmm. Yeah, right.
Finally had some real work to do the past couple of weeks-though the accounts I have worked have not been all that great. I am working on light modifiers-I bought a Fun House Mirror to throw shadows onto the background. I haven’t used it yet, but it is a pretty bitchin cool thing.
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Hmm, kind of a scary thought that.
