Bart Simpson is hanging around the kitchen while Marge is busy fixing Thanksgiving Dinner. Bart says that he wants to help. “Sure you can help.” Marge says, and hands him a can of cranberry sauce. Bart looks around for a can opener, and yell-“Mom, where’s the can openers?” Marge stops what she is doing, opens a drawer and hands Bart the can opener. Bart struggles with the can and can’t get it opened. “Mom, I can’t open the can, this opener doesn’t work.” Marge stops what she is doing and opens the can of cranberry sauce “There you go, Bart.” Bart looks around, holding the opened can of cranberry sauce while Marge keeps working on getting dinner ready. “Mom, I need a bowl to put the cranberry sauce in!” Marge stops what she is doing, opens a cabinet and takes down a bowl and hands it to Bart. Bart slowly lets the solid log of cranberry sauce slid onto the plate where it quivers for a moment and then collapses into cranberry sauce.
“Viola!” Bart proclaims, “Cranberry Sauce ala Bart!”
The telling of this tale, while eating cranberry sauce of course, has always been a high point of my Thanksgiving celebrations.
The other Thanksgiving Day Tradition involves the son of a great folk singer named Woody Guthrie, who for some odd reason named his son Arlo. Clocking in at just under twenty minutes, Alice’s Restaurant is one of the all time great weird songs. It’s the story of a man, a Thanksgiving Dinner that just couldn’t be beat, a half a ton of garbage, shovels and rakes and implements of destruction, 27 8×10 color glossy photographs, and the Draft. I first heard this song on the Dr Demento show, oh it must be twenty-five years ago. It’s possible I heard it before then, but I just didn’t pay any attention to it. If you live in the Fort Worth/Dallas area you can hear it on KERA 90.1 at 1 o’clock. Or watch a YouTube Video of Alice’s Restaurant, but it’s not really the same.
I have since commented most of the more interesting bits to memory and can do a pretty good imitation of the painfully slow and careful articulation of the great and glorious Arlo Guthrie. So just remember. . .
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
