If you could put your feet behind your head, you’d be the perfect woman. I can. She said. Want to see? That’s my favorite bit of nonsense from the wonderfully twisted chef bio called Cooking Dirty about one man’s wasted life in food service. Along the way he learns to cook meat, do endless bumps of coke, drink near lethal doses of alcohol, and have to prove that he is a really lousy pastry chef. It’s the book that Anthony Bourdain would have written if he hadn’t pulled so many punches in Kitchen Confidential. Cooking Dirty makes most of Tony’s…