Solo, a movie no one wanted made, telling a story no one wanted to hear.
It could have been worse. It could have started with Han Solo being born in a dingy back room or in a dark alleyway. Instead, we start with a heist gone wrong. Han and his never before mentioned One True Love are stealing fuel, or something like fuel. This led to encounters with a lot of CGI. In fact, there is so much CGI in this film that I’m not entirely sure that there were any real people involved in the production at all.
Lots of stuff happens. None of it seems to mean anything. Three best characters are killed off. One dead character is brought back to life. The most boring character gets to live to fight another day. Like all modern films, this one spends a bit too much time hinting about the next one.
Like the Star Trek movies, Solo was fun in it’s own way, but it isn’t really a Star Wars film, just as Abram’s Star Treks aren’t really Star Trek. The young and plucky fellow calling himself Han Solo isn’t Han Solo.
Ok, I’m a little too old and this isn’t a movie made for me. It looked good, the actors all acted well enough, the CGI was only occasionally horrible, such as the time the shiny new Millennium Falcon is doing battle with a giant space Argos/Octopus/Whatever. The effects were totally crap. That whole scene should have hit the cutting room floor.
The theater on opening day was mostly empty. I think a lot of people were burned by how bad The Last Jedi was and decided they could wait a while to see this one. I remember standing in line for a couple of hours to see The Empire Strikes Back and that was well worth the wait.
I think my favorite character was L3-37, Lando’s co-pilot and a sexbot with a very suggestive walk. She stirs a robot uprising and when asked how her and Lando have sex, says something to the effect that they manage. Phoebe Waller-Bridge, of Fleabag fame, is perfect in the role. Naturally, she is killed off.
The movie I want to see stars Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Donald Glover, Woody Harrelson, and Thandie Newton. In other words, Solo would have been a much better movie without Han Solo.
