I spend a lot of time thinking, and not so much time acting on those thoughts. My current job is so, just a job. I am not sure what I expected, or if I expected much of anything. I went in with the hope of making more than I had made at my last job, which is always a nice simple goal to have. So I am making more than my last job, which is really no mean feat. But there are days when I don’t make more than the last job, where I make about a third of the last job.
As I look about for that next dead end photo job I see that there are a few places left to wander off to. There are people that leave my current company and return. So far I have never returned to a former job. I have tried a couple of times and found it even worse than I remembered. I keep thinking of starting something of my own now. Maybe nothing to do with portraits, though it does seem an odd waste of a skill set to never do it again.
There was an ad for a cruise ship hiring photographers, but the pay sucked and I am not as young as I once was.
The novel I started is still sitting on the hard drive, neglected and all but forgotten. There are so many paths still open to me and just every once in a while I see the light shining and I feel like I don’t have to waste my life any further doing this pointless work that I do now. I could go on to some other pointless work.
Ask and it is given, seek and ye shall find. What happens when you are no longer sure of what you want? The small stuff is easy enough, finding Tommy Bahama shirts for a few dollars at thrift stores, steering storms the other direction, turning red lights to green. I just don’t know what I want any more. Maybe I should ponder that once in a while.
