Bite Me by Christopher Moore

After years of reading serious vampire fiction like Anne Rice and Laurell K Hamilton and semi-serious vampire fiction like Stephenie Meyer and Charlaine Harris I decided to give the silly side of vampires a try with Christopher Moore.

I’ve only read a few of Christopher Moore’s books, but four or five that I have read all seem to take place at about the same time and in the same location.  A few of the characters even make cameos, like The Clampetts stopping by Hooterville to visit the good folks of Petticoat Junction and Green Acres.  I know, I’m like too old to live.

‘Kayso the story here is about The Emperor of San Fransico trying to protect his city from a mad invasion of vampires.  This is not Emperor Norton, but a modern day counterpart who is a homeless man with two dogs he calls The Men who are a good deal smarter than he is.  Actually, The Emperor plays only a small, but occasionally pivotal role in the tale of a city beset by mad hordes of vampire kitties.

The most brilliant bit of business in Bite Me is the introduction of vampire animals to the great lore of Mooreian Vampirism.  Moore vampires have to live by The Laws, as all vampires must, but the laws tend to change depending on who is doing the writing of these Laws.  Moore’s vampires have to drink blood, go dead during the day, and create other vampires by allowing/forcing others to drink their blood.

There was one way cool scene that I think broke his Laws-a truly minor gripe for a bunch of silly books which have only the smallest relationship to regular vampire stories.  At one point The Emperor is watching the sunrise and a flock of parrots flies into the morning sun and bursts into flames and ashes.  “You don’t see that everyday.” The Emperor says.  Since the parrots were vampires, shouldn’t they have been dead for the day and not flying about in the sunrise?

Anyway.  Bite Me pretty much picks up where You Suck left off, which follows the events which take place in Bloodsucking Fiends and has a small connection to the story of Asher and his dealings with Death in A Dirty Job.  This whole character overlap thing is kind of fun, but I occasionally feel like I need a Score Card every time someone makes a brief appearance, just so I will know where they are from.

There was a lot of funny stuff in Bite Me and so much slang and street talk that Christopher Moore must either hang out with 16 year olds or make all the stuff up as goes along.  Either way, it’s great stuff and Bite Me is well worth a read.


Jon Herrera
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